By: Chaos and Raven
The problem, Koki thinks, is that he’s bad at dating. Well, no. The problem, he thinks again, is that confessing to a senpai is impossible. He’s tried already. Three times. That is, three times in the last week. And countless (15) other times before. He just can’t get it right.
It’s somewhat easier now (confessing, that is), since they’re working together. When they have lunch, he can ask Nagase to sit with him. Once they even went out to ramen together. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to be vague with his feelings and it just doesn’t transfer correctly. He thinks he’s broadcasting ‘have sex with me on any surface you like,’ but what gets heard is ‘let’s invite everyone out for karaoke.’
This isn’t to say that karaoke isn’t fun, or that Koki doesn’t want to spend time with the rest of the cast. He does. But it’s the difference between conbini onigiri, and homemade sukiyaki. Sure, onigiri is good, but you’re never going to choose it over sukiyaki.
Unless you don’t like sukiyaki.
Koki makes a mental note to find out what kinds of things Nagase likes to eat.
The problem, Koki thinks while he watches Nagase and Tegoshi flail around on the grass, is that Nagase is popular and everyone (Koki included) loves him. And the problem, he thinks as he frowns into his canned coffee, is that Nagase never says ‘No, I’m kind of tired, I’d like to sit down for a while,’ but is always ready for the rambunctious behavior du jour. Koki blames this on TOKIO being a group of overgrown ten year olds.
He doesn’t pay much attention to what they say about people in glass houses.
Tegoshi dashes past, shrieking with laughter. He tries to duck behind Koki as cover. Koki holds both hands up in a gesture of surrender to ward Nagase off, but that doesn’t work even a little and he’s swept up into their game of tag when Nagase simply tackles Tegoshi by going through Koki. After that, all bets are off.
The problem is that Koki knows how to be romantic, but Nagase doesn’t have any place in his life for roses. The problem is that giving someone a set of socket wrenches for their birthday doesn’t mean the same thing as giving that person jewelry.
Koki knows this because he’s tried both. Unfortunately Yuichi (he’s pretty sure it was Yuichi anyway) caught on and they wouldn’t let him give Nagase the necklace. He did give Nagase the wrenches, though. Nagase seemed to like them, but since no confession was forthcoming, Koki figured the message was lost.
At one point or another, all the members of KAT-TUN have given him advice about his distressingly long lived crush. The general consensus is: get over it! With one: stop being such a girl! Which Koki thinks is rich coming from Kamenashi and his freakishly well groomed eyebrows and flippy princess hair.
He always stays late, even when they don’t have any other scenes for him to film. Sometimes, if he plays it cool enough and there isn’t anything pressing for the morning, he gets invited along for dinner or drinks.
Tegoshi sits next to him while the final scene is being filmed, that strange small smile is on his face as he leans in close to Koki’s shoulder. “How’s it going?” he asks, flawlessly casual.
Koki has a kind of bad feeling about that. “Not bad,” he says but his nonchalance isn’t nearly as perfected as Tegoshi’s.
“Think you’ll confess properly before we’re done with the filming?”
It can’t be helped but Koki is going to have to kill Kamenashi now, that’s all there is to it. And probably Yamashita, too. Fucking loudmouths. With Koki’s luck, everyone in Johnny’s except Nagase knows about his crush now.
The problem, he thinks while watching Nagase flash bare thigh under his silk bathrobe, is that most of Johnny’s is so close knit you can’t have secrets. The problem, he thinks as he feels the sudden urge to take up smoking (how is it even possible to look that sexy while giving yourself cancer?), is that deep down, they’re all a bunch of girls who want to gossip and trash talk.
“Saa,” Koki says with a shrug. “I guess we’ll see.”
The director calls it a wrap and people mill around as the set gets cleaned up. Nagase is terrorizing various people (mostly Osugi-san) by threatening to open his robe. All he’s really succeeded in doing is winding up Koki’s libido, which, in fact, really doesn’t need the help.
It takes some carefully planned time in the toilet, but Koki manages to catch Nagase just before the rest of the crew notices that he’s leaving. He says, “Hey, Nagase-san,” which gets him the raised eyebrow of ‘we don’t stand on formalities here, didn’t I tell you not to call me that?’. Koki fumbles, but doesn’t backtrack. It’s hard enough that he wants to say, like, ‘Tomo-chan’ or even ‘Baby’ the way Tsuyoshi-san does. He’d die first.
It’s definitely impossible.
“I was thinking I’d go out and get something to eat, since we don’t film tomorrow,” Koki continues on, “do you want to come along?” He’s way beyond the point where he thinks Nagase will get a clue. He’s pretty sure that he could dance around naked, and Nagase would just want in on the joke.
Somehow, that’s kind of depressing.
“Sure,” Nagase says as Koki expected he would, “we can--”
Koki interrupts, in case that sentence was going to end with ‘invite everyone along.’ “You don’t mind if it’s just the two of us, do you?”
Koki sends a text to whom it may concern (KAT-TUN is more like his mother than his mother is) that he’ll be getting a ride home later in case they were planning to come by.
There are plenty of places nearby they could eat, but Nagase decides he has a particular craving and so they get in the car and drive across the city. Koki feels awkward once they step into the bar because the staff obviously know Nagase really well and obviously think it’s strange that he’s with someone. He smiles nervously as Nagase orders for them.
After a few beers, though, everything smoothes out. Nagase holds up most of the conversation but he doesn’t seem particularly bothered by Koki’s reticence. Koki is decidedly not distracted by Nagase’s bright grin, or the way he absently (obscenely) fondles his beer bottle.
He wants to pay for the meal, or at least his half, but Nagase won’t let him. He leaves some bills on the table and tells the waitress to bill him for the rest. Koki laughs along with her; he saw a 10,000 yen bill in the mix. Nagase’s concept of money is, frankly, a little scary.
“Ne, Koki-kun,” Nagase says while they’re stopped at a traffic light, “How long have you had your hair like that?”
Koki shrugs, and runs his hand over the prickly remains of his hair. “Not too long,” he says.
“It suits you,” Nagase tells him, grinning. “Very cool.”
Koki mutters ‘thank you’ but he’s blushing and grinning so it comes out a little slurred.
The problem, Koki thinks, is that he’s actually kind of shy and sometimes easy to embarrass especially when complimented directly. The problem, Koki knows, is that he’s never going to be able to tell Nagase what he wants because it would cut him too deeply to be refused.
“Want to come up for a while?” Nagase says, even though his eyes are lazy with sleep.
Koki hadn’t noticed them arriving and so he blinks slowly several times before he quite understands what he’s being asked. “I don’t want to be a bother,” he says, though his heart is hammering in his chest.
Nagase grins at him as though he said something cute and herds him to the elevator. Koki tries to keep up some kind of dialogue but he’s as useless at it now as he has been all night. Mostly, he grins stupidly at his feet until the elevator stops. Nagase stands uncomfortably close behind him the entire time.
It’s entirely possible that Koki’s heart will give out before the night is over.
Nagase’s apartment is bigger than Koki’s, but strangely sparse. There are some pictures of his family and some of TOKIO. His bed is big and western style and somehow right out in the living room.
“It’s too much trouble to go into the other room to sleep?” Koki asks, once he’s finished taking in the apartment. He kicks off his shoes and follows Nagase into the kitchen.
Nagase laughs. He pulls some beer out of the refrigerator and hands Koki a can. Probably having more alcohol is not the brightest move, but that doesn’t stop either of them. “It didn’t really fit into the other room, so I didn’t bother,” he says, shrugging.
It takes a lot of work for Koki to drag his attention away from the bed. Of course, that means his attention is back on Nagase. Neither option does anything good for his composure. Nagase hits a button on the remote in his hand and some quiet music starts up.
He’s hovering kind of aimlessly in the room because there isn’t exactly a sofa with the giant bed in the way and it’s too weird to just sit on the floor. Nagase, of course, slips onto the bed nonchalantly and lounges appealingly against the pillows. Of which, there are many.
Koki sits hesitantly on one corner and thinks for the first time that this is a kind of strange situation for two guys who are merely friends to be in. He doesn’t think he’s ever sat on anyone’s bed while drinking beer before.
“Hey Koki,” Nagase says with a sleepy smile that matches his sleepy eyes. “I want to tell you something.”
Koki moves a little closer. His palms are sweating condensation where the beer is still gripped in one hand. Nagase closes the gap between them.
“You smell nice,” he murmurs. Nagase turns his face into Koki’s neck. “No cologne.”
“I think it’s kind of trashy,” Koki says, surprised he doesn’t stutter. “Uh, what are you doing, exactly, Nagase-san?”
Nagase leans back a little, a surprised look on his face. “Seducing you,” he says, as though that’s the obvious answer.
“Oh,” Koki gasps, weakly because hearing it out loud is like having the wind knocked out of him.
“Since we’ve been working together, I kind of have this impression that you’re really cute but also cool. Tegoshi said you might not mind,” Nagase continues on blithely, unaware that the floor has just dropped out from under Koki. “So I figured I’d take a chance.”
As he speaks, Nagase is slowly, insidiously, crowding Koki until there’s no option other than being pressed back into the mattress.
The problem, Koki thinks, is that this is quite possibly the most erotic and terrifying thing that’s ever happened to him. The problem, Koki thinks, is he’s so excited that he’s going to come in his pants before Nagase can do anything at all.
“You don’t mind, do you?” Nagase asks.
Their bodies are nearly flush. Nagase has straddled one of Koki’s legs, and his groin presses tight against Koki’s thigh. It’s all he can do to shake his head ‘no’ so that Nagase will keep going. Koki’s head feels fuzzy; the mix of alcohol and sexual frustration leaves him with heavy limbs. He doesn’t manage to help undo his belt until it’s practically off anyway.
The skin of Nagase’s stomach is soft under Koki’s hesitant fingers. His pride as a man demands that he reciprocate but he’s definitely in uncharted territory. Despite how it might look sometimes, he and his bandmates are decidedly not engaging in lewd behavior with each other.
“I don’t exactly know what to do,” he admits.
Nagase pauses in the middle of tugging his shirt off. “Not at all?” he asks, bemused.
“Well, in theory --” Koki is cut off by the press of Nagase’s mouth to his own. Their first kiss.
Nagase’s hands curl around Koki’s face and he smirks a sexy smirk. “I’ll teach you.”
At first, it’s embarrassing. The lights are still on, and Nagase won’t stop staring, even for a second. Koki has to tap down the urge to cover himself when his pants are tugged down to his knees. He gets naked in front of people all the time, but not like this.
Nagase is silly, though. He jokes and tickles Koki until they’re laughing together and Koki doesn’t notice his own nudity. He’s still laughing when they kiss again. Not a simple press of lips but a deep kiss with teeth and tongue. Koki startles, and then moans into it. His fingers twine in Nagase’s hair and without thinking, his legs fall slightly to the side. Surprisingly, Koki thinks with an edge of hysteria, he’s kind of a slut.
They’re still kissing (Koki never wants to stop) and Nagase is gently rubbing against him. There’s no way to describe what he’s feeling. At first, every time Nagase did something new it felt like being shocked, now it’s as though all those shocks have culminated into some kind of dull ache. It permeates his body, lying heavy on his skin.
Koki can’t decide if he’d rather reach the obvious conclusion of his lust or sit on the precipice forever. Nagase’s hand presses against one skinny hipbone, insinuating between them. He slips to the side, his thigh crosses over Koki’s, and one large hand curls teasingly around Koki’s dick.
Nagase chuckles and Koki thinks he’ll never be able to hear that laugh again without wanting sex. “You’re sexy,” Nagase tells him. “Even more than I expected. I was thinking you’d be more of an S but you really like this.” He drags fingertips across Koki’s chest and down his abdomen.
“Maybe I would be with someone else,” Koki says, squirming. It tickles and makes him hot at the same time. Conflicting desires that frustrate him into choked off moans.
The problem, Koki thinks as he tries clumsily to match Nagase’s stroking motions, is that he’s never wanted anything as much as he wants Nagase. The problem, Koki thinks, is that he’ll never be able to give this up.
“I guess we’ll never know.” Nagase leans in and swallows whatever response Koki might have had with a kiss.
When their petting goes from teasing to desperate, Koki quietly falls apart under Nagase’s hands. It doesn’t take long for him to come. His fingers dig into Nagase’s shoulder and his back arches. Nagase licks his fingers while Koki catches his breath.
“You’re sweet,” he says when Koki pushes him over to reciprocate. Nagase twists his hands in the sheets and lets Koki stroke him with a steady hand. When he comes, he pulls Koki on top of him for a kiss and it gets all over their stomachs. He doesn’t let go, either.
Koki relaxes, feeling the sweat dry and itch on his back and behind his knees. He wonders if they’ll shower, or if they’ll simply sleep like this, stuck together. He can’t bring himself to care, though he knows he will later. Nagase makes a sleepy noise and stretches out. They aren’t lined up on the bed properly and his knees hang off the side.
“You like sweet things?” Koki asks. He pushes himself away regretfully but only so he can find a cloth or something to wipe his chest off with.
Nagase pushes himself to his elbows, grinning like a shark. “Yeah, I love them,” he says without a hint of embarrassment.
The problem, Koki thinks as his face flares with heat, is that he’s never going to be able to stop grinning.